CLPEX Chat Board

Anyone care to contribute a quote or two from this often intellectually challenged criminal demographic?

Actually it's somewhat the opposite of what you're looking for.

This month I worked on a note from a robbery that had particularly good penmanship, was on 8x10 paper, and even included a bulleted list.

I think I shot over 75 frames of latent prints on it too...

my best was:

'All of the money from the till and some waffle fries ~ Don't try notin'

Mine is bittersweet. A man in his early 60s gave the teller a note that read "This is a hold up. Give me enough money to get arrested." She did and he was.

It seems the man was down on his luck, but earlier in his life, he had delivered supplies to the old Federal prison on McNeil Island in Puget Sound. He had always like the location, so when he hit bottom, he decided to rob a bank, plead guilty and be sentenced to McNeil. I advised him not to tell the judge that story. He ignored my advice and when he told the judge his reason for robbing the bank, the judge ordered a psychiatic evaluation and the man ended up confined in Missouri.

Oh, yes. After he received what amounted to less than a hundred dollars, the man went outside and sat down on the curb. Eventually he had to stop an FBI agent who had passed him several times to inform the agent he was the person who just held up the bank. The agent refused to believe him until the teller confirmed he was the robber.

This story is true...honestly! Two guys are caught red handed within an empty store during the night. One of them has loads of cash from the cash register in his pocket. The officer checks the cash drawer and finds that there are still some notes left. He asks the guy with the cash in his pocket why he didn`t take everything. The guy replied that the other guy doing the robbery with him wasn`t really a good friend and and if he was going to have to split the money 50/50 he would leave some behind so he wouldn`t get so much!!!

I attended one early last year. Female offender handed the bank teller a withdrawal slip with "Hand me all your wallabies". The teller guessing that the offender was not all there gave her a dye pack of $20 bills. Just after she exited the bank of the door the dye pack went off and the offender then sat on a park bench outside the bank until the police got there

Not exactly what you asked for but there was an instance on Long Island where 5 or 6 "notes" were turned in for processing.
Detective advised that the robber had reworked and reworded his note a number of times. In addition to the note given to the teller, there were multiple "first drafts' in the waste basket at the banks counter. As I recall, his prints were on most of the drafts as well as the note given to the teller.

By the way, his grammer and spelling were terrible

We have quite a collection. Some of the best have been framed and are quite a hit with members of the tour groups that come around.

Among my favourites:
(The smarta** comments in brackets are mine).

"I need $5000 now do not make an alarm or I might have to kill some one. I have a gun. Please clean the till now. I will count to 5 in my mind."
(Are you a fast counter or a slow counter?).

"This is a stick up give me all your money or I will kill one of your people. Don't tell know one. If you do not give me the money I will do some trouble. I will be here at 7:00." (Thanks. We'll be waiting for you.)

"I have a device in my ear that will detect any alarms. If an alarm goes off it will alert my partners and an explosion will go off and blow everyting to bits. Just hand over all your 100s, 50s, 20s and 5s (we need 5,000). Wait ten minutes and everyone will be OK."

"Give me all your money. I have a gum."

"Hold up. Dig bills only."

"Don't say anything. Give me all your money. I have a gub." (Never try to rob a bank when you have a head cold!)

"I have a gun. Give me the money. I have a BUM in the bag."
(Inspector Clouseau robs a bank!).

The original note said " I have a gun". The robber changed his mind, scratched out the word 'gun' and wrote "knife" under it.
(Always check your pockets BEFORE going into the bank.)

We have lots of others, but I'm running out of room....

Well, if you insist!

"This is a stick up. Give me $35,000. Or $25,000. I need it."

"Robery. Make it fast or esle."

"Put your hands in the air and give me all your money".

"This is a robbery. Give me all loose cash. I'm loaded."

"Put all cash in bag and you won't get HERT. As you can see I have a GUN. Do as I say or ELS. It shouldn't take you more than 15 seconds."

"Dis is ah robbery."

"Give me everything above a $20 and shut up or else be quiet".

"This is a hist. I am armem."

"We are armed. Hand over the money and no one will get hurt. HURRY.
And have a nice day."

"Put all the money in the bag. I have a gun. Don't try nothing stuppid."

"I'm sorry but this is a robbery. I wish you no harm. Give me the drugs before you pick up the phone. 3 containers. (1) Talwin compound (2) Ritalin, (3) percocet. I can't help myself."

"Please give me all your money. Thank you for your time."

Note to self: Avoid Toronto banks - they get robbed a lot!

Well , yeah. But remember....this collection has been gathered over 18 years. (Wow. Have I been here 18 years!? Seems like only yesterday...).

Have you considered an exhibit on these notes for the police museum? (Saw it when I was there in 2002 -- small, but nicely set up.)

We have copies of them mounted on a poster in our Document Section. They are a "hit" on the tour circuit, especially among visiting police officers.