CLPEX Chat Board

A friend sent this to me which I found very amusing. The last three are from my office

I was at a checkout at a store. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the money back again……same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail

I walked into a coffee shop with a buy-one-get-one free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the clerk and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said “buy one-get one free.” “They’re already buy-one-get-one-free,” she said, “so I guess they’re both free” She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them said, “Look at that dead bird!” Someone looked up at the sky and said “Where?”

They Walk Among Us

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, “Does the sun rise in the north?” When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, “Oh I don’t keep up with that stuff.”

They Walk Among Us

I used to work in a technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?”

They Walk Among Us

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

They Walk Among Us

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. “Now,” she asked me “has your plane arrived yet?”

They Walk Among Us

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding “Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.”

They Walk Among Us

From someone at work. Reminds me of a homicide scene I was on. I was kneeling while taking a picture of some evidence on the floor. Just before I squeezed the shutter, the sergeant says “Wait! Shoot it from the other side, or the picture will be upside down.”

They Walk Among Us and Get On The Police Force

I was at a homicide scene and they had called the Traffic Investigator in to do the Crime Scene Sketch. I observed him going from room to room and never taking any measurements. Later I commented on that and his response was “No measurements were necessary as they were all standard 10X10 rooms.”

They Walk Among Us

At a homicide scene where the victim had been dragged into the tool shed there was a good shoe print in soft soil close to the entrance. When it was pointed out to the CSI in charge he looked at it and the shoes of the victim and declared “No need to mess with it as it is the same as the victims”. No photographs, and no casts were taken.

They Walk Among Us

At a shooting scene one CS Investigator was having a problem with lining up the dowel rods in the bullet holes of a vehicle. He grabs a drill and bit and drills out the holes so the dowel rods will fit.

They Walk Among Us

An investigator in my agency had his badge stolen from his desk. He put up notices around the building asking for its return, "no questions asked." The badge was back on his desk next morning. He got out his Brasso, polished it thoroughly, and went back to using it. A week later, the lieutenant in Internal Affairs heard about it, swooped in and seized the badge, and submitted it for fingerprints to identify the thief.

They not only walk among us, they get promoted.

Our Scenes of Crime officers submit their lifts in "Job Envelopes" - pre-printed 4"x5" envelopes with spaces that the officer can fill in for the date, the address of the occurrence, the type of occurrence (robbery, break and enter, etc), and the location of the latent fingerprints ('interior glass at point of entry', 'driver's side window', etc.)

My favourite entry for 'location of latent fingerprints'?:

"Inside Job Envelope."

Thank you. Do you have bullets in that gun?

Thank y'all for the laugh this morning!! I sure needed it!

I once read a report written by the first responding officer to a home break-in.....he wrote that he didn't dispatch ID because he couldn't see any latents...

Just heard on the radio this morning.

A woman was arrested for stealing a pair of child's shoes from a shop.
They didn't fit her son, so she took them back to the shop to exchange them for a larger size.

They walk among us; and their children walk barefoot.

I have twice received evidence for latent print processing which consisted of photocopies (don't you just love the new "Check 21" law?) of forged checks. Same agency. Same detective. Guess he didn't read the first report.

mdavis wrote:I have twice received evidence for latent print processing which consisted of photocopies (don't you just love the new "Check 21" law?) of forged checks. Same agency. Same detective. Guess he didn't read the first report.

Do they ever? LOL

When asking a deputy to reroll an inmate on livescan because the fingerprints are too dark, the deputy's response...

It's because he's black.

Got a new one.

A CSA was called to a scene that was several days old. The dispatcher said the victim was upset.

When they arrived the victim related the following: The officer came out on the initial call and when the victim asked the officer about taking fingerprints the officer responded that "it was a waste of time because during the entire history of fingerprints, not one suspect or crime has been solved by fingerprints". The officer declined to process for latent prints.

Meanwhile the victim got to thinking about it after the officer left and the more she thought about it the madder she got. Finally she called someone and got a crime scene unit dispatched.

Now whether this actually happened or something the victim made up I do not know. All I can say is that is what the CSA was told.

Believe it or not.

They Walk Among Us Re-Deux

When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, the would-be robber did something that can only inspire wonder.
He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

The chef at a hotel lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.

After stopping for drinks at a bar, a bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception was not discovered for 3 days.

A teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the boy told the police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

A man walked into a store, put a $20.00 bill on the counter, and asked the clerk for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer….$15.00.

Seems a man wanted some beer pretty badly, he decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.” (He had the right to remain silent; he just did not have the ability)

A man walked into a fast food place at 5AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he could not open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they were not available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. (Which is worse the robber or the clerk??)

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on the street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to the motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was best laugh he’d ever had.

(The last one is my favorite of the bunch).

I'm trying to find the CT eyewitness case where the armed robber was picked up a couple of blocks from the scene. He was taken back for a show-up ID. After the victim picked him out, he said something to the effect of "no f*****g way, I was wearing a mask." I'll see if I can find the cite.

I had a bank robbery case where the client was put on the stand at his insistance by defense counsel. When asked whether he robbed the bank, he said "I can't answer that question with a simple yes or no." Counsel stopped the examination there.

I actually read this one on Friday. I had made a Tenprint to Latent ID in the AFIS. Marked it, documented it, yada, yada. There was just two latent lift cards with a single latent each and they were from the patio door.

After all that was done I went into the main report and in reading the PO report he stated that the house had been trashed and food cooked in the microwave. He stated he processed the Microwave BUT 'there were so many latent prints I could not lift them".

And he didn't; just the two off the patio door. The ID turned out to be the victims son.

I have never seen so many latent prints that I could not lift them. Has anyone else came across such a situation?

Oh well.

Oh, come, Charles. Don't you remember Barney Fife only carried one bullet? Maybe this crime scene technician only carried two blank lift cards. I remember a young woman in my unit before I became supervisor who went to a major accident scene at night, three vehicles on fire. She had forgotten to take any film, but rather than look bad in front of her coworkers, she went around with the camera, flash shooting dozens of "pictures" of the flaming cars. Next day, she admitted it. She didn't even have the imagination to send a couple of blank rolls to the processing lab and blame somebody else. Of course, what she should have done was go back to the office and get some more film, return, and photograph the burned out cars. Maybe your officer didn't have the foresight to stock his kit with enough tape and lift cards, just like she lacked the foresight to replace the film between scenes. More likely, however, is your implication that he was just too lazy.

Yes, they walk among us.